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People suggest: look for a partner who can make you live happily.

Then I thought, what can I give to get someone like that, considering myself have many flaws and bad things behind me. Maybe I can't even accept myself as I am, apalagi orang lain.

How do I have to look and be to be accepted?

And then I found this sentence, "Find someone you'd go to war with, with him/her in the future, because life is not just about happiness". It sounds ridiculous for people who yearn for a Disney-like life, but I finally realized that this is the very thing that is very appropriate for the anxiety of my life.

And I finally realized that this is what I need, someone who is willing to accept all my ugliness for what it is (really tired of always showing off the advantages that are also not much), and I who always feel lacking, feel unworthy of people. Honestly, I feel scared to face a life that is getting harder and more sickening every day.

So, i hope i would find someone who's got my back, always stand with me when shit gets hard, and fight with me to the end (come what may), Aamiin..